Now That I'm Older....

God grant me the senility to forget the people I never liked anyway, the good fortune to run into the ones that I do, and the eyesight to tell the difference.

Now that I'm 'older', here's what I've discovered:

Now that I'm older....
I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

Now that I'm older....
My wild oats have turned into prunes and All Bran.

Now that I'm older....
I finally got my head together; now my body is falling apart.

Now that I'm older....
Funny, I don't remember being absent minded...

Now that I'm older....
All reports are in; life is now officially unfair.

Now that I'm older....
If all is not lost, where is it?

Now that I'm older....
It is easier to get older than it is to get wiser.

Now that I'm older....
Some days you're the dog; some days you're the hydrant.

Now that I'm older....
I wish the buck stopped here; I sure could use a few!

Now that I'm older....
Kids in the back seat cause accidents.

Now that I'm older....
Accidents in the back seat cause...kids.

Now that I'm older....
It's hard to make a comeback when I haven't been anywhere.

Now that I'm older....
The only time the world beats a path to my door is when I'm in the bathroom.

Now that I'm older....
If God wanted me to touch my toes, he would have put them on my knees.

Now that I'm older....
When I'm finally holding all the cards, why does everyone decide to play chess?

Now that I'm older....
It's not hard to meet expenses... they're everywhere.

Now that I'm older....
The only difference between a rut and a grave is the depth.

Now that I'm older....
These days, I spend a lot of time thinking about the hereafter...I go somewhere to get something and then wonder what I'm here after.

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